10 Tips On How to Start Recovering from RAD Mom Burnout
You have RAD mom burnout. What now?
Parenting is stressful for all parents, but parents raising children with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) have to deal with strain of a different magnitude. Parents who are the main caregivers for kids with RAD are at the highest risk for burnout, especially if they don’t have enough support themselves. Which is often the case. And burnout negatively affects everyone. Your partners, work, and other relationships experience the effects too.
Burnout is a consequence of chronic stress. When chronic stress leads you to experience more intense and severe symptoms and it impairs your ability to function, it's called burnout. It can be debilitating. And if left untreated, burnout can affect both your physical and psychological well-being by causing a variety of problems including sleep disturbances, extreme fatigue, stress intolerance, high blood pressure, cognitive impairment, and a weakened immune system in combination with symptoms of anxiety and depression. And those are just some of the negative effects. So, if you’ve been wondering if your stress can make you sick, it can. The consequences of chronic stress related to raising children with intense needs are real.
Because of its many consequences, it's important to deal with burnout right away. If you identified with any of the symptoms of chronic stress and burnout, this means you. Being a RAD mom, you sometimes feel like you have to do everything by yourself. It’s common to push way passed your limits and not even realize how far you’ve gone. Getting help is crucial.
For most people, recovery from burnout takes anywhere from a year to several years. An active approach can help shorten this time as much as possible and alleviate common symptoms.
Despite the grip that burnout has over so many of us, recovery is possible. While there’s no quick fix to RAD mom burnout, there are many ways to alleviate stress levels and return to a healthier state of being.
Here are 10 tips to incorporate into your daily routine help you start to recover from RAD mom burnout.
#1 Ask for help.
This one can be hard for RAD moms, but it’s very important. Seek professional help from a coach or therapist as soon as you suspect burnout. Join a support group. This level of support dramatically reduces stress levels and can improve your emotional well-being quickly.
Talk to family/friends and ask if they can help, and research respite care where you live. It takes a village! It might look like bringing freezer meals or someone watching your child for an hour so you can take a hot bath or go for a walk. You likely won’t realize how much you needed it until it’s done. Whatever it is, ask for help!
#2 Do it anyway.
Say goodbye to what-if thinking and making excuses. This goes hand in hand with asking for help. It’s so easy to worry about what might happen when you’re away or even when you get back. Like worrying about the after-effects and chaos that you know will ensue. What if your child acts up or lies about you?
Well, here’s the thing, it’s going to happen so you just have to do it anyway. It may require you to compartmentalize. Live those moments while you’re away or doing something for yourself separately from your life at home. Don’t let home intrude on that time because it’s all you’ve got. The worst thing you can do is not do it. The more you take time for yourself, the easier it will get and the better you’ll start to feel.
#3 Set Boundaries.
Set boundaries for yourself. Say no. Don’t stay with your family or in-laws if they aren’t supportive or it’s too stressful. Visit but stay somewhere else and don’t give in. Set boundaries when you go out or take time for you. Don’t allow calls or texts while you’re out unless it’s an emergency. Boundaries are to protect you, not everyone else. Setting healthy boundaries can reduce the chance and effects of burnout.
#4 Find your support system.
I can't express enough how helpful finding a support system can be for RAD moms experiencing burnout. I always say you are the CEO of YOU. Hire the best and fire the rest. Your mental health and well-being depend on it. Your support system can include family, friends, church, teachers, neighbors, doctors, and so on. Your support system can be as simple as finding RAD mom groups online. Facebook is a great way to connect with other parents. Just find people who understand what you're going through and can help support your situation and needs.
#5 Identify your stressors.
Know what your stress triggers are. This will allow you to avoid or reduce interactions with them. Pay attention to incidents or situations that consistently trigger stress. Aim to avoid them as much as possible.
#6 Take care of your health.
You can't help others when you don't take care of yourself. Doing small things leads to big changes. Eat healthy foods, take your supplements daily. It's a small thing but it's easy and fast to do. Even despite the lack of sleep and the toughest of situations, you’ll find yourself feeling stronger and healthier because of simple things like that. Eat lots of green veggies and limit your caffeine. Schedule regular doctor appointments for mental and physical health, eat other healthy foods as often as possible, and exercise (even if it's just taking a few laps around the house). These things make a big difference and will help you cope with stress better.
#7 Speak Up for Yourself.
“First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they attack you, and then they build monuments to you.” -Nicholas Klein
Be honest about your situation. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself to create change that could better suit your mental and emotional needs. Even if you don’t get the result you want, keep speaking your truth. Get what you need. RAD is real and you my friend, are the expert. Stand tall and own your power.
#8 Breathe.
Focus on your breath. This is a simple, concrete, and effective way you can manage symptoms of stress. You don’t need to go anywhere or change your schedule, and it’s 100% free. It’s something that you have direct control over that makes a big difference in the things you can’t control like an extra stressful day and other demands in your life. Google and learn a simple breathing technique or just take 5 deep breaths before you get out of bed every day. It's really that simple.
#9 Make plans to do something fun.
This one is important. As hard as it is to get away, or as hard as it is to get away and not stress the entire time, it is so important to make plans to do something fun for yourself. If this means a couple hours to yourself at a bookstore, a run to Target just to browse, or even taking in nature at your local plant nursery, do it. If it means scheduling a vacation with a friend, do it. Whatever it looks like for you, put it on your calendar and do it. It's easier said than done, I know. Even if you can't get out of the house, think of ways to enjoy yourself at home. Bring out the board games, invite friends to watch your favorite show together or sit in your car together and talk.
#10 Prioritize your tasks.
Make small to do lists. This can be so helpful if you’re feeling burnout. Prioritize your tasks so you can do the most important things immediately and save the less important for days when you have extra time or energy. You'll be so glad you did it and you'll feel less overwhelmed.
RAD mom burnout doesn't have to take over your life. If you choose at least one thing from this list, you'll start to see a change for the better. I know it can feel like things are always hard, you're exhausted, or that you'll never feel like yourself again. These feelings are valid, but remember they are temporary. The more you work toward taking care of yourself again, the better you'll feel. Once you get your mental and physical health where you need, there will be no stopping you!
